Not so gap year

 

So I started writing before results day:

Sitting here, the night before results day with every possible situation running through my head gives you a lot of time to panic whilst thinking about the past few years at school that have been more stressful than an 11 year old me arriving in 1st form could have ever imagined.

There’s something pretty uncanny about leaving school. Its not a feeling that you’ve felt before. I don’t know what it is? It could be the looming pressure of responsibility or perhaps the way that the clock is ticking every second closer to results day. I think that the most daunting thing is that I, and most others my age who are lucky enough to have had the opportunity, have spent the majority of their life in this enclosed safety net that we  call school. Having been away from school for 3 months now, I’m finding myself missing things that I never thought I would, from hearing the knocking on the walls of the rooms next to me telling me to stop singing, and sometimes crying (thanks to A levels) to the nervous shaking you get on Monday morning, when your teacher is standing in front of you, watching you search your folders for the homework that you’ve spent the whole weekend not doing. Most of us just don’t know any different from school and whatever environment we find ourselves in post-results day is going to take a lot of settling in to and even more getting used to.

I can’t describe this time between finishing school and waiting for results in any other way than the blank page between chapters in a book. Waiting to turn to the next page but still in stuck in the chapter before is how I’ve genuinely felt. Having said that, I hope some people can actually relate and I don’t just sound too English obsessed??

Almost a month later:

If I was to predict where I would be when I started writing this, I wouldn’t have even been close. After just missing out on my uni place for this year, I’m taking a year out to add to my qualifications and just get myself together really. Having moved to Edinburgh, its given me a fresh start in so many ways which I didn’t realise how beneficial it would be. I’d say that I am almost settled in and continuing to get used to my new life for the year. All these changes in these last few weeks have made me realise as much as maybe you don’t want to change, it can potentially be for the best. Change is normally associated with negativity at this age because we’ve become so used to being children, being surrounded by all our friends, being looked after and having very limited responsibility.

Having just come back from a weekend in Aberdeen, getting a taste of where I’ll HOPEFULLY be next September, I’d say it has made me even more grateful for this coming year. Despite being absolutely gutted after not getting into uni, its given me a bit of time to think, and, in all honesty, maybe I wasn’t quite ready for it this year…Plus, now it gives me more than enough time to get myself ready for it, and maybe learn to cook something more than beans on toast.

Watching all my friends go through their respective changes is comforting in that it makes me realise that I’m not the only one who’s getting used to a new life.

I don’t think this post comes with a great message  or meaning other than there are so many options after school, and just with every situation really there is more than one option and even though you might have to choose one you didn’t want to, it can often come with so many opportunities and new experiences. Change is usually for the best at this young age and there surely is a path for everyone where the power of fate will never stop amazing us.